The truth is...I can't tell you the whole truth here simply because of the ripple effect it could have on my family and, most importantly, my son. Such time has passed that event though there are many who know the story and know the truth, the complexities of the issue have never and will never go away. However, I will offer the following truths as an attempt to provide some guidance:
1. Suicide and/or the act of committing suicide is never - I repeat NEVER - a solitary event. There is always someone who knows or suspects, and anyone who tells you otherwise is simply ignorant of basic human behavior. Now, this doesn't mean that those closest to the individual "knew" - but someone did/does/will, and that person will forever carry a burden of grief and devastation that we can never understand.
2. Bullying is a primary cause of suicide. You'll notice I didn't say "the" primary cause - I'm not sure there is one. Yet, school districts continue to ignore the truth, and parents continue to allow their children to either a) participate in or b) become vulnerable to bullying by others. I AM ONE OF THESE PARENTS WHO MADE THIS MISTAKE! If your child is allowed to use social media and/or texting with freedom of choice, and you have a fear of "invading" your child's privacy on a regular basis regarding social media and texting, and schools continue to allow phones and social media within their walls, students will continue to bully and be bullied. Yes, it is that simple.
3. Parents NEVER TRULY KNOW OUR KIDS' FRIENDS. PERIOD. You don't know what is said in the hallways of school, in their car, at their house, at someone else's house, or in whatever deep recesses of secrecy bullies manage to find. Last year, I met two new students of mine at the beginning of the school year, and was actually informed by both parents that these girls had been best friends since they were born. It wasn't until the year was almost over that I had learned 2 things: a) these two girls incessantly lied, manipulated, and bullied each other, and b) these two girls mercilessly bullied, shamed, ridiculed, and abused other girls in their class. All of this behavior was done not only through social media (for which they were eventually caught but there were no consequences...) but face-to-face. To their parents, they were sweet, innocent, best friends who wanted nothing more than to be together.
4. Corruption in our mental health facilities and among those who depend upon their continuation are rampant and NEVER held accountable. Here's why: Right now, mental health facilities receive only a set amount of funding from the government based on their treatment plan, etc. The rest of their funds comes entirely from their patients (and their families). TRUTH: IF THEY "CURE" (OR AT LEAST ALLEVIATE) ONE'S MENTAL CONDITION (THROUGH THE PROPER ADMINISTRATION OF COUNSELING, MEDICATIONS, AND FOLLOW-UP), THEY STAND TO NO LONGER RECEIVE THE MONEY THAT COMES WITH THAT PATIENT. So, it is better to continue the employment of arrogant, ignorant doctors, bar the concerns of parents (by threatening "neglect" charges for removing your child from the facility), and provide the wrong medications in order to ensure that child's return. How else would the facility survive?
5. The only way to win the fight against these arrogant facilities and an ignorant legal system is to be HIGHLY EDUCATED in your child's situation. A parent's responsibility is to her child and her child only. If parents don't take their child's best interest to heart and learn everything we can about our child, we have no right to fight a system that is equally stupid. I spent years researching, documenting, writing, and communicating with other officials, parents, and doctors in order to get my son where he is today. People need to understand that as a parent, I will do everything I have to to make sure he is cared for even when I don't know how to care for him.
In the end, I lost my son to the State of Wyoming because he was bullied and dared by kids he called his "friends" to do something he should have never done, and that behavior was misinterpreted in a way that caused him even more trouble. Once that happened, I had no defense and no power. It would be two long years before I got my son back and was able to take control of a disastrous situation. We went through a long-term treatment facility that is among the most arrogant and ignorant in our area of the country - and yet it is the only facility available for sentencing by the courts. I watched my son come back to a receding mental health support system and a completely clueless medical administration.
Finally, while my son continued to fall apart even after their so-called "treatment" and a horrid display of discrimination from our school system, I packed him up and took him to a neighboring state. With his permission, I checked him in to the hospital for a psychological exam. He stayed there for 3 days - the amount of time they said he would stay and with constant assessment and care. After those 3 days, we met his lifetime doctor, a man who is among the most amazing mental health experts in the world (that's my opinion, but if you need him, let me know. I'll send you his name). Not only did he spend time with my son, he spent time with me. He went through ALL of my research (3 enormous binders worth), he contacted ALL of the people who had been involved in the previous catastrophe, and by the end, he said to me, "I think you are right. Your son is bipolar. We need to get him off of these meds and begin the work to help him get better." I owe that doctor my life - I worship this man's bravery and his dedication to people. My son needed him, and he was there in the nick of time. To this day, he is part of a consistent lifeline for my son.
My boy has - to this day - has not returned to the legal system.
